This morning I am torn with a mixture of emotions. I found out last evening that my grandson passed the Maryland BAR exam and will be sworn in December. Officially a lawyer! I’m so proud of him achieving that goal. He took that exam back in July and the wait for the results has been a long one, now it’s sheer relief, joy and pride.

Today is also my sister’s birthday. She should have been 75 today but cancer took her from the world. I think of her often, she would have been as equally excited and proud as I am. I see the postings from her children and the accomplishments of her grandchildren and I’m proud for her.

Today is also the birthday of my granddaughter Shyann. She is 23. She lost her father, my son, back in June of this year. Her mother has been gone for almost three years now. She has no siblings. She lives in upstate New York and so I don’t get to see her very often. At 23 she is a grown woman, a grandchild that I never really got to know, now an adult.

It’s something you don’t hear about. As we age, we begin to collect dates. We all remember our birthday, we remember when we graduated high school, when we accomplished something important, we remember when others did the same. We remember lives lived and lives lost. Dates begin to intermingle, overlapping. The old and the new.

It’s difficult at times. You don’t know whether to celebrate or to mourn. You question those dates. Why was my sister taken so soon? I’m so happy for my grandson and feeling sorrow for my granddaughter, even though it is her birthday. Her first birthday without either of her parents. Neither will see her married, have children, and build a life of her own. She will never share that with them.

Life can get your emotions mixed up. I think the best you can do is accept what was and pray for what will be. There is no changing the past; and the future; well, I wonder if any of us have any control concerning that beyond the next few moments. We really can’t be certain about anything! Consequences and reactions are solely dependent upon others.

We may call that fate. Fate is controlled by a higher power than us. I wonder what those that claim no higher power exists think about that. If not fate, then what? Call it an escape if you like but I don’t want to assume the responsibility for tomorrow. That’s a very heavy burden to carry. The only thing I’m responsible for is my reactions.

So today I have decided to feel rich. Rich in having known and loved my sister, rich in having grandchildren that are successful and healthy. I’m richer for the memories collected. I have a great granddaughter that offers the promise of tomorrow, that time goes on. I am rich indeed.