I have always found it difficult for any one thing to hold my interest. There are those that have a ” passion ” for things and I envy them. I wonder what that must be like. I have many interests and likes but no passions. Well, I mean passion for doing things. My wife and family I have  passion for, but that isn’t what I’m talking about. It is the total and continual focus upon a singular activity that I am fascinated with. I find myself being bored after I obtain a certain degree of mastery. I just haven’t found anything I would want to pursue a PhD in.
 I wonder if that is from not wanting to fail. I hate to fail at anything. I don’t like to lose but can be a good sport about that. If we are at equal competency in whatever activity we are competing I can take the lose. If I were to consider myself ” expert ” at any one thing and then fail that would trouble me. For example, there was a day when I felt I could fix anything on an automobile. Over the years  and the addition of electronics and other new technology I no longer feel that way at all. The result is I don’t work on automobiles anymore. I mastered what I consider the basics and had no passion to continue to study the workings on the modern automobile. I just don’t find it all that interesting. In modern parlance, been there,done that. I think that maybe you would have to be getting something back to feed your passion. Maybe that is why I don’t seem to have any one passion, I don’t get excited about having accomplished something. That is because I usually only tackle things I know I can reasonably succeed at. I fully expect to succeed, when I don’t, I just move on to something else where I know I will.
 I believe this comes from having the father that I did. My dad was accomplished at so many things. Well at least trades. He was a carpenter,mechanic,electrician,machinist,plumber and fabricator. He did some commercial fishing too. And everything he did, he did extremely well. That is not my opinion, that is a general statement from anyone that knew him. Those are big shoes to fill. I haven’t gotten that big yet. Even though Dad has been gone for twenty five years I still use him as the measure. Strange how I am almost 62 and still trying to please him. I guess I’m still trying to be the man. Dr. Phil could probably explain all this to me. Then again, I think Dr. Phil is full of it most of the time so I don’t think I’d listen. The things others tell you about yourself are only guesses, only you know the truth. The secret is to admit the truth and adjust to reality ! It is unfortunate that we must live in other peoples world. In my world, I’m the boss, but that isn’t reality.
 I’m thinking that maybe I’m just a slow burn. That is why it is taking me so long to find my ” passion” in life. I’m no flash in the pan, no one hit wonder. I do believe repeatability is the mark of accomplishment. The irony for me is that it is the repetition that causes my loss of interest. I mean if you build one boat what’s the point in building another ? I always want to build or do something new, something I haven’t done before. I keep thinking about writing a book, haven’t done that before. The thing there is, can I reasonably expect to succeed ? Success would depend upon sales and acceptance. I’m not certain I want to risk it. All the support and kind words from friends and family would not satisfy my idea of success, I am aware of that. I do wonder where that inner confidence to just put it out there comes from ? Just how do you convince yourself ? I already know all the arguments and I know all the answers. It could be you just have to figure out a way to fool yourself into belief. Is that the ” passion ” others have ? It just could be.