I live across the street from the funeral home. From my window I often see the mourners coming and going. Weather permitting many will gather outside to have a cigarette. I have commented in the past about the dress of some of these mourners. I do not doubt the sincerity or grief at their loss but there choice of attire is questionable in my opinion. Hard to tell if they are going to a viewing, or a nightclub sometimes. The outfits certainly run the gamut. To each their own I suppose and whatever brings them comfort. But enough about that.
While at work yesterday a co-worker told me she had been to a viewing the previous evening. She related how a four year child had come up to her and asked, when will pop-pop be better ? She didn’t share her response with me. I did state I felt like you should not take a small child like that to a viewing. She explained the woman had no babysitter. I can understand that, but it is my feeling the adults present should have kept that child entertained in another room at the parlor. They do have a separate area where you can go for quiet reflection or prayer.
My response stems from a personal experience. I was not four years old but had just turned thirteen. At that point in my life I had not lost anyone. Then my Great Grandfather passed away. I was taken to the funeral, not the viewing. We arrived at the funeral home and entered. I walked to the front of the room and saw that gray steel box with my Great Grandfather lying inside. It was a traumatic experience for me. Shock. I knew he was gone on a mental level, but emotionally I did not. I left the service and went outside. My sister in law took me home. I didn’t attended another funeral for at least twenty years, and then it was someone I didn’t know personally.
At what age should you take a child ? I think four is way too young. I don’t think they can comprehend all the emotion at that time. Should they ever be taken ? The next funeral I attended, I attended as an adult. I was given the choice and declined attending my Grandmothers. Her, I still visualize in her kitchen at home, whereas my Great Grandfather, the first vision I get is one of him in the casket. As an adult I don’t have that problem, I still see the person as they were in life.
There are those that say you should expose your child to these things. They are the realities in this world. I understand that sentiment, but feel a child deserves some sheltering as well. The finality of death will be revealed to them when they no longer see the person in everyday life. I carry an emotional scar from that. It is not debilitating and I don’t need counseling. It is just an awareness I have. I believe each of us will reconcile our feelings about loss in our own time and fashion.
Taking a small child to the graveside service may be appropriate. I wouldn’t take issue with that. Teaching them to show proper respect is always a good thing. It is just the exposing of them to viewing the deceased I take issue with. Especially so in a crowded room with strangers about. Many will be strangers to that little one.
What are your feelings ? What do you think ? Your comments and thoughts are always welcomed.